Pain and insomnia

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Lying awake at 2 o’clock at night has it’s ups and downs.. My knee and leg is really getting to me lately. Even my “good knee” is starting to hurt, because I compensate so much. It’s a vicious circle.

Then I end up not sleeping at night, because I’m in pain and that makes me worn, agitated and stressed. I try to work out and stick to my physiotherapy program, but my energy level is so low right now.

I get tired and completely worn out from just spending time with my friend Jane. But then when it’s time to go to sleep, my body won’t let me rest. I’m not the only one going through this issue, I know that. Half the time I don’t pay my insomnia much attention, but when dealing with my knee recovery and trying to make sure I do all of my physiotherapy, it gets to me. I’m only human, I get stressed and anxious, tired and fed up.. This too shall pass.

Most of my insomnia is due to knee pain, speculating what my surgeon will say the 9th of March at the consultation and my brain not being able to shut up and power off.

Some nights I don’t mind the lack of sleep, others are harder. When I start analyzing my aches and pains – that’s the worst nights. I can scare myself into a complete panic attack. But it’s gotten better.

I think to myself: Breathe, lie down flat on your back and just breathe. Feel your body slowly relax. Close your eyes and empty your mind of all thoughts. Wash away the negativity by every exhale, repel it and inhale positive. Feel your body slowly relax. Breathe.

Some nights it works, others I’m having to listen to podcasts, watch movies or read books till I just pass out from exhaustion.

Tonight I’m having a good night despite the insomnia. No stressful thoughts or fear of a serious diagnosis due to my pain and inability to bend my leg properly. Tonight I can put these thoughts into words and get all of my messy feelings out of my system.

I’m lucky, I know that. I have a good life, an amazing fiancé, my dog, family, friends and our beautiful home. I’m amazed how much my surgery has drained me though. This surgery isn’t just tough physically, it’s also tough mentally due to the slow recovery. This is rarely mentioned till after surgery though. It sucks, but it will get better, I will get back to normal.

I’m trying to take this whole “recovery journey” one step at a time, not stressing, but it’s freaking hard.. I already pressured my leg so much that it swelled up like a pumpkin once.. So I just try to take these small steps towards my recovery, listening to my physiotherapist, but it’s horribly slow to be honest, too slow for my liking.

I hope everyone reading along, is doing good, keeping safe during this pandemic and has a healthier sleeping pattern than me! Have a great Monday guys, take care and see you online. x

I miss you!

Who doesn’t feel just a little bit “boyfriend soppy” at times?? I’m missing my boyfriend so much, ever since he left Denmark I have been in soppy boo!

I saw this pillow on Facebook in a post about loneliness and I truly just got inspired for this crazy post, about longing, missing someone, distance and soppiness!

My boyfriend is from England, he wants to move here, but it takes time and planning! I want him to take his time, give him space and let him plan before rushing in – but at the same time I just wanna kick in his door and steal him away, haha! He has been such a good guy towards me, and I’ve been the happiest with him, I don’t think I can ever remember a time, where I was happier than this.

When finding a guy, where you can truly see a future and a life with him, it’s hard to let him go, let him take that plane home and just wait for the next time we are going to see each other!

Before he came to visit me, I couldn’t sleep, for two weeks I suffered from horrible insomnia and as soon as he was here, I was sleeping normally! When he left, I again had trouble sleeping – hence the late night posts at times.

It’s strange that another person can make such a huge impact on your life, I do believe in such a thing as a soulmate, and he is mine, he really is.

I need that boyfriend pillow! Maybe I can sleep better at night! For Christmas my boyfriend actually gave me this pillow, that has a speaker inside it, where you can plug your phone into it and play music, and I’ve been using it a lot lately!

This pillow is so comfy, even without the music, and I really loved this Christmas present! I am so spoiled and I am truly happy that he thought of my insomnia while buying this for me. Sometimes I can’t believe I’ve been this lucky, to find a guy, who has truly grasped the idea of me, how I am and what I’m like. He knows me too well!

To all the boyfriends out there, that this Christmas bought something for their girl, that was well thought out, thank you for setting the standards! 😉 You have – like my boyfriend, truly understood the idea of giving a gift! It’s the thought, that you guys have thought of her, what she needs and what she would truly love, and found something, that just fits her! – Something that would maybe have been a strange gift for everyone else, but for her, it was perfect! You guys rock!!!

To all the girls out there, receiving these gifts, I hope you truly appreciate your man, and that you also bought him something well thought of, cause he deserves it!

So much love to my way too amazing boyfriend, am truly the luckiest woman alive!

See you online guys xx