Lying awake at 2 o’clock at night has it’s ups and downs.. My knee and leg is really getting to me lately. Even my “good knee” is starting to hurt, because I compensate so much. It’s a vicious circle.
Then I end up not sleeping at night, because I’m in pain and that makes me worn, agitated and stressed. I try to work out and stick to my physiotherapy program, but my energy level is so low right now.
I get tired and completely worn out from just spending time with my friend Jane. But then when it’s time to go to sleep, my body won’t let me rest. I’m not the only one going through this issue, I know that. Half the time I don’t pay my insomnia much attention, but when dealing with my knee recovery and trying to make sure I do all of my physiotherapy, it gets to me. I’m only human, I get stressed and anxious, tired and fed up.. This too shall pass.
Most of my insomnia is due to knee pain, speculating what my surgeon will say the 9th of March at the consultation and my brain not being able to shut up and power off.
Some nights I don’t mind the lack of sleep, others are harder. When I start analyzing my aches and pains – that’s the worst nights. I can scare myself into a complete panic attack. But it’s gotten better.
I think to myself: Breathe, lie down flat on your back and just breathe. Feel your body slowly relax. Close your eyes and empty your mind of all thoughts. Wash away the negativity by every exhale, repel it and inhale positive. Feel your body slowly relax. Breathe.
Some nights it works, others I’m having to listen to podcasts, watch movies or read books till I just pass out from exhaustion.
Tonight I’m having a good night despite the insomnia. No stressful thoughts or fear of a serious diagnosis due to my pain and inability to bend my leg properly. Tonight I can put these thoughts into words and get all of my messy feelings out of my system.
I’m lucky, I know that. I have a good life, an amazing fiancé, my dog, family, friends and our beautiful home. I’m amazed how much my surgery has drained me though. This surgery isn’t just tough physically, it’s also tough mentally due to the slow recovery. This is rarely mentioned till after surgery though. It sucks, but it will get better, I will get back to normal.
I’m trying to take this whole “recovery journey” one step at a time, not stressing, but it’s freaking hard.. I already pressured my leg so much that it swelled up like a pumpkin once.. So I just try to take these small steps towards my recovery, listening to my physiotherapist, but it’s horribly slow to be honest, too slow for my liking.
I hope everyone reading along, is doing good, keeping safe during this pandemic and has a healthier sleeping pattern than me! Have a great Monday guys, take care and see you online. x
Life as Mia 