Perspective

Hi everyone!

Hope y’all had an awesome couple of months and are enjoying the early signs of spring – I sure am here in Denmark!

As I’ve gotten older, I realize you get another perspective on things, a maturity that wasn’t there just maybe four years ago, it just sorta snook up on me really.. 

I have since I started working as a carehelper and then intern and now assistant intern, gotten a whole new view on life, it sounds corny I know, but life changed. I can’t tell you the exact time it did change tho, maybe it was when I cared for my first terminal citizen, maybe it was when I saw someone who had passed away for the first time or maybe it’s the countless times I have held someone while they cried for whatever reason. – I just know that I grew up.

I have learned to cherish my healthy body, feel blessed by my working brain, to appreciate my family and friends and to have patience and also most importantly empathy, not something everyone is born with, but something you need, if you want to be in the line of work im in. It’s something I know my mom have passed on to me, she was a carehelper herself, (she just retired) and I have grown to respect and admire her more and more through the years, I am so deeply proud of my mother.

I wish that I found my calling a lot sooner in life, cause now I just want to start my career and to start working – not something you hear everyone say I guess, but that’s how I feel. 

As I mentioned earlier, somehow I got more mature, and every step towards my education seems like it’s making me more sure of the choice of career I’ve taken. Everything just seems to work out for me and I am taking all my classes very seriously. It’s like I live and breathe for this, in some sort of way. I love that, I love the adult me, the mature woman I have turned into.

I find myself in situations, where I act very differently to how I would have acted when I was just four or five years younger, it’s insanely strange for me, but I also like it. I’m getting taken seriously when I talk about things conceening my field of work and in some way I’m proud but in others, I’m baffled! I still feel very young and very green, like I have a lot to learn, but I’m getting there and I’m willing to do everything it takes, to be a great assistant, it means a lot to me.

I love my line of work! ❤

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Addiction

This post is about my biggest drug, Cola and what it’s like to be a caffeine addict. I am speaking about a personal low for me, being an addict is never fun, even if it’s only caffeine – it’s still horrible.

  
I cannot begin to explain how horrible this addiction is for me. Every time I eat anything, I would think “Ah a glass of Cola would be great with this!” And I would go and get one. I never said no to a glass of Cola, I would honestly panic if I only had two bottles of cola left in the fridge.

Christmas 2015 it really hit me, how addicted I actually was, I spend Christmas in England with my fiancé and his family and for four days, I had no Cola what so ever. I am telling you guys, the withdraw symptoms was horrific! I can’t start to describe how my body felt, the only way to actually describe it is like you are on a serious detox – a cold turkey, from a serious drug, not just caffeine.

My symptoms were:

  • Nausea
  • Dizziness
  • Migraines 
  • Tremors
  • Tiredness
  • Insomnia
  • Anger issues
  • No appetite

I felt horrible, it was so unreal and scary, I hated every minute and I can’t believe that it was that bad. 

It started the first day with a mild headache that I took some tablets for, I didn’t think about drinking Cola then, we were busy with life and Christmas at this point! Then it escalated at the second day to migraines and no pills could cure them, it was very bad! Shortly after I started having these dizzy moments, where I would think “wow I need something to drink now” and by then – I thought of Cola, and figured out something was very wrong. My fiancé also said it was withdrawal symptoms and tried to support me as much as possible. The third day I was a wreck! I was shaking, couldn’t concentrate, didn’t feel like eating anything, I was nauseous and tired but had trouble sleeping properly the night before, I was shaking too, I was short tempered and I felt so panicked. Day four was a bit better, still a headache, but not the migraine type, I still didn’t sleep good, I was so tired and worn and I was dizzy again.

My fiancé got very worried after this whole thing and so did I. I then decided that it was best for me to kick the habit as fast as possible.

When I got home I drank Cola again, it was stupid and I regret it, feels like I let myself down again. I drank a lot again, it was almost the only thing I had to drink on an entire day.

My fiancé talked to me about it, and I realized what I was doing was insane, dangerous and very stupid! I researched it and got so much information about Cola that it freaked me out. I then wanted to seriously stop drinking it and try to get it out of my system for good.

My fiancé was so supportive and told me to get something to drink to replace the Cola, and asked what I liked about the drink – I said the bubbles and the sweetness, and we decided that a water with mild sparkles and taste or a pop with no caffeine would be a good idea to replace it, to make me used to no caffeine and then slowly go from no pop and then water with sparkles and taste, to just regular water.

I chose 7up and a sparkling water with taste, none of them with caffeine and the water with no added sugar. So that’s what I’m trying to drink now. I drink as little Cola as possible – when I have very bad symptoms, I have a tiny glass.

This is the sparkling water with taste I drink now

This is the sparkling water with taste

 
Day one I had four glasses of Coke, day two I had three glasses, day three I was down to two glasses, this is day four and I had no Cola yet and I feel okay, not amazing but I’m okay. I have a headache and I feel worn, but I am okay.

I hope I can help someone else out there reading this post. I have had a hard time quitting and I still do. I haven’t quit completely yet, and I feel like a drug addict! I am scared of the symptoms and scared of what this drink have or can do to my body and my life span. I am trying to quit, I am struggling but I won’t stop trying.

Have you guys ever had an addiction? Cigarets, drugs, caffeine or so on? Have you quit or tried to? I’d like some good advice, it could be that it could help me even more!

See you online! x

A wonderful childhood

I was a very lucky child

My parrents loved me so much, from the day I was born they just adored me, and for that I feel blessed. They made me who I am today, and I belive that im a pretty okay person, with a great view of life, and how to behave myself. My dad has always had this amazing passion for his kids, and how they would grow up, and what they would be capable of doing further on in their life. Like in some way, he knew that if he guided us enough, there would be no boundaries, no limits to what we would accomplish, and he would know, that he did everything he could, for us to be happy in our adult life. One of his big meanings with life, was to give his kids enough of himself and his wisdom, to live happily themself. I belive he accomplished this one hundred percent.

But no child can choose what family they get born into, and sometimes, this has horrible consequences.

I saw a Danish documentary this morning, about the life of a Danish woman named Lisbeth Zornig Andersen, who was abused as a child, got in and out of foster care, had a mom who drank all the time, did not care about how her childhood once were, and wouldent speak of it, a dad who just picked up everything and left her and her brothers, due to a younger woman he married, had a stephdad who abused her constantly from the age of 10 to the age of 13, and she had three brothers, everyone has a life now, that is horrible, all due to their childhoos being this one big mess. The one brother took his own life, the other one has massive drug problems and the last one lives where he can, and is a mess. This blog is for all the abused children out there, this is my voice, speaking up, telling people to snap out of it, get to their sences and look at what their doing to their children! There is many parrents out there, who isent fit for having children, but they do anyway.

How can you be a parrent, if you do not love your child like it was the most important thing in the world? I simply do not understand it at all, kids are meant to be cherished and loved beyond words, cause their a gift so precious. If you do not feel fit to have a child, then give it up for adoption, let someone capable of taking care of a child have that unique and wonderful experience, cause there is alot of people out there, who is dreaming of having a child of their own, in such a huge passionate way, but they cannot. Think of the people out there, having to live their life, with such a bad start as Lisbeth Zornig Andersens? How much can one child go through, before their lives are ruined forever? As a parrent you are the one who mold their lives, make them able of standing on their own two feet further on in their life, YOU alone are responsible. But how can a child cope, if they had such a life as this woman? How can people live with themsef, knowing that they ruined a life forever maybe?

Alot of cases like this is never propperly discovered, never spoken about with the parrents, and the child tries to forget, and who can blame them? We need to have the strength to either admit we wouldent make good parrents, and give the children up for adoption, or grow up, make a change and be everything that you can possibly be for this child, cause they need you, more than anything in the world.

A child will love their parrents unconditionally, but it isent always the same, the other way around… Thats a damn shame.

If just one person out there, sees this, and get their act together, I have succeeded beyond my wildest dreams. Children is the day of tomorrow, and should be guarded, loved, taught and most important, always feel safe. Their future is important!

Watch the documentary that Lisbeth Zornig Andersen has made here! (Its in Danish)

An old story..

The horseback riding days

My back aches after all the painting we had to do lately, and since ive been a little girl, I had alot of back problems. A guy from wordpress asked me why my back hurt that much, and I realised that I forgot to write abit about my past in here, so here goes! I had a horse, when I was younger, I think about 13 or 14 I got him. He got spooked by a scooter one day when I was out in the woods, the guy apparently thought it was fun driving up behind us, honking his horn… So my horse ran off, and I tried to get him under control, but he just ran. We came to a turn with a lake on one side, and a very deep ditch on the other side. It was a very narrow turn, and my horse almost fell in the lake, I tried to support him by the reins and by moving my weight to the other side. He was a very clever horse, and got what I tried to do, and sorta did a jump, to get out of the ditch to the lake side, and up we went. And off I went… My balance got ruined when he jumped, I just dident expect it.. I got thrown up over his head, and landed hard on the ground, head and arms took the worst of the fall. But I realised that I was in front of the horse, who was still in motion, and I looked up, and he jumped over me, but his two back hoofs hit my back, and threw me into the deep ditch, where I hit a huge road side stone, and cracked my riding helmet. I sorta passed out after that fall, and dident know for how long excatly, but an old man woke me up, asking me if I were okay. He had probably seen my horse, without a rider, and then looked for me, im kinda glad he did. My horse ran back to the little farm I had him stabled in, and he was all fine, nothing happend to him, and I let him rest a couple of days after that ride..

This pic I borrowed from Deviantart, captured by a guy called JoRdyKiNs in there, this looks excatly how my old horse looked like. My horse was named Chano, a great horse, just abit hot tempered. He was an arabian mixed horse, in a palomino color as you see on this picture. A truely beautiful boy, and very too clever. He had an iron will, and followed his own mind. 🙂

And in the present time…

My back has given me trouble ever since, and my spine has moved a bit to the right, so my back tends to hurt alot whenever I do something im not used to.. Like painting the entire apartment! My fiancé and I had to do it all by ourself, no one but my mom and dad helped us, and they even just helped us abit.. My dad with the wallpaper, he put it up, and it looks great! My mom by washing down the kitchen cabinets, and they shine! But we have been on our own with everything else, and that makes it very bad for my back… Im actually abit dissapointed, I hoped I had some friends to back me up abit, and help out, cause they know about my back, and yet they dident help. I guess thats what life is like sometimes, and some people makes alot of promises, but very few keeps them.