How am I?

Well thats a good question!

Moving out, I had this huge idea of how it all was gonna be played out. Living alone, quietness, just me and my fiancé. That was all true! No one to tell you what to do and when to do it, no one to decide what to eat and when to eat. But also, while enjoying the sea of choises before me, I look back at my childhood, and think ”Damn was I a lucky kid!” I got everything I ever wanted, sometimes I dident even deserve it, but I did get everything. I was spoiled shitless, loved, missed and watched over by my hawk-eye dad, and my anxious mother, and I love them for it. Getting some perspective now, I start to realise, how much they really care, even if they did show it badly sometimes, or we fought – they fought for me, to make my life perfect. Too bad that I only just realised it now, but atleast I realised it before they were gone, and had regrets about it. My mom is 60 and my dad is 64 – they had me in a pretty old age, im 23 years old, going on 24 the 22nd of July, my littlesister is even younger, she just turned 21 – and my rapid readers knows that too, cause I made a post about her birthday party. – Well long story short, I had a pretty tough life as a teen, and I was very ill, couldent go outside a door at all, and my parrents got very protective of who I dated and how I felt all the time, I used to hate it! Now, I just realise that they were trying to protect me from alot of bad choises along the road called my life, trying to make it just abit better, and thank you for that, it means alot.

Its strange as hell to know that you aint gonna go ”home” and sleep no more, that you have your own place and thats it. Its like you have to go cold turkey, like a smoker, and you just need that last smoke, but it aint happening. I think its cause im a creature of habbit, I need the same ol’ same ol’.. My parrents and I, will probably have a much better relationship, with me living on my own, after all im too old to be told what to do by now, and I think they just cant help it sometimes, especially my dear dad. I think I never really understood him all too well. I always thought that he werent proud of me, but he is, in his own way, he was just always really bad at showing it! But I love him, flaws and all. He was proud even when I was ill and at my worst, but I just dident see it. Only a loving dad can be proud, when everything isent as it should be, thank you. I promise one thing, I never took you guys for granted, I always knew how lucky I was, and still am. Im one kid of a million, who has a dad this amazing. He gave me the entire downpayment for my place, and said that it was an investment, but he truly invested it in me, my life and my well being. Thanks mom and dad, I cannot even beging to describe how lucky I feel, for having parrents like you guys.

I dont think I could have wished for a better family to be born into, even when we had our disagreements. I love you guys very much. Your daughter Mia.

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